done.

i'm so done.

"starving"

Day one of the fast is coming to a close. I am cranky and moody and want my whole wheat angel hair with sauce more than anything in this world. But, the thought of me even being able to desire something like that makes this process worth every "fuck" I utter and every KFC commercial I wince at on tv. I have the option to do this; Darfurians do not. Tomorrow is going to be the hardest, especially working at the food pantry, but I am hoping that I will have the strength to fight through another day.

but this isn't about me.

Darfurian refugees need our help. If this fast can bring anything, it will make people more alert of the crisis at hand and more willing to express a voice. Nothing can be done alone, but together change can be possible. Listen and learn about those that do not know when their next meal will come, that are raped and murdered while gathering fire wood, that have to watch their families be torn apart and their loved ones fall to the blade of a machete. Think about the people other than you. This 3 day fast will not stop the war, but it will allow me to understand and learn more than I did the day before.

anguish.

"What all these victims need above all is to know that they are not alone; that we are not forgetting them, that when their voices are stifled we shall lend them ours, that while their freedom depends on ours, the quality of our freedom depends on theirs."-Elie Wiesel

above are the words of Elie Wiesel, author of Night and Nobel Prize Winner. i read this book in 10th grade english and just had to read it again for humanities. it is amazing that i still cried hysterically at the same parts. the last 20 pages are the worst for me. his description of a hundred human cattle on top of one another in a car transporting them to another chamber of death; their bodies nothing but empty shells; sons killing fathers; friends killing friends; death no longer a fear but a want. how can you fear something you already embody? the human cattle, moving together to keep warm; circling the car. end total: 12.

"he was holding one hand to his chest. Then I understood: he was hiding a piece of bread under his shirt. With lightening speed he pulled it out and put it to his mouth. His eyes lit up, a smile, like a grimace, illuminated his ashen face. And he was immediately extinguished. A shadow had laid down beside him. And this shade threw itself over him. Stunned by the blows, the old man was crying: 'Meir, my little Meir! Don't you recognize me...You're killing your father...I have bread...for you too...for you too...' He collapsed."

tomorrow, i am starting another "Darfur Fast For Life." my first attempt was in december for only 2 days, but i hope to make tomorrow the start to 3. i cannot know what it is like to be a Darfurian refugee, and i cannot change anything by fasting, but support comes in all forms. you cannot truly know the suffering of man until you walk in his/her shoes. learn about what you can do here: www.fastdarfur.org.

and he's all so healthy in his body and his mind.

i wish people cared less about how they looked and more about other people.

we must live until we die.

I read this poem today and it struck a cord. I believe that it is talking about how you must live for today because you could die at any moment. Marvell is saying how much he loves this girl, and would love her for thousands of years if he could, but the end will come and we have no idea when that will be. If you love someone let them know. Express what you feel or else you may not have another chance to say it.

To his Coy Mistress
by Andrew Marvell

Had we but world enough, and time,
This coyness, lady, were no crime.
We would sit down and think which way
To walk, and pass our long love's day;
Thou by the Indian Ganges' side
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide
Of Humber would complain. I would
Love you ten years before the Flood;
And you should, if you please, refuse
Till the conversion of the Jews.
My vegetable love should grow
Vaster than empires, and more slow.
An hundred years should go to praise
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze;
Two hundred to adore each breast,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, lady, you deserve this state,
Nor would I love at lower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Time's winged chariot hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast eternity.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound
My echoing song; then worms shall try
That long preserv'd virginity,
And your quaint honour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust.
The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

Now therefore, while the youthful hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing soul transpires
At every pore with instant fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapp'd power.
Let us roll all our strength, and all
Our sweetness, up into one ball;
And tear our pleasures with rough strife
Thorough the iron gates of life.
Thus, though we cannot make our sun
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

yum.

sometimes it's hard to be really healthy when you're a vegatarian. You are constantly eating some sort of carb, and I sometimes find myself eating spaghetti 6 out of the 7 nights a week. So here's a dish idea that is really easy, really cheap, and only around 250 calories with 3 grams of fat. It's delish and filling and one of my favorites.

peppers and onions stir-fry

here's what you need:
1. peppers and onions. I like to use the birds eye peppers and onions stir-fry mix.
2. Stir-fry sauce. I like Kikkoman's stir-fry sauce.
3. Rice. I usually use the minute rice individual microwaveable white rice cups.

here's what you do:
1. Coat your pan with PAM or some other non-stick spray
2. Then add your veggies (as much as you want..strive for 5 here people!)
3. Cook them, stirring often so that they are fully cooked and do not stick to the pan.
4. Put your rice in the microwave for one minute.
5. Add your sauce to the veggies and lower the heat.
6. Continue stirring (especially because stir-fry sauce really sticks)
7. Add your rice to the mix and stir it all together. Continue to cook for 1 more minute.
8. Enjoy :)

But ideas that left never come back home.

It's amazing how much "Into Dust" by either Mazzy Star or Ashtar Command (though I'm a bigger fan of Ashtar's cover) can put me in a trance. It is one of those songs that I need when I am stressed. I don't even listen to the words, but the tone of the singer is hypnotising. I literally feel every worry and thought that weighs down my head release from body, and I can just lay there in peace.